Dad Thoughts

It has taken me longer to write about becoming a father than I thought it would. 

It's a monumental life moment; I figured I would have philosophical epiphanies right off the bat. 

Instead, my brain was blank those first few weeks. Turns out life with a newborn can be jarring.

Then it finally came to me. I have no reference point for any of this.

This whole father thing is one hundred percent new. 

Before getting into the meaning of life and raising a child, I need to start with the basics. 

I know a few things, but mostly don't know anything. 

Things I don't Know:

I don't know what I'm doing in life, work, and most definitely not this father thing. Everything is an educated guess at best. 

What it's like to grow a child inside my body or the connection that comes along with it. 

What it's like to be the sole provider of food for my child, using only my body. 

How my parents raised three kids, or how my mom flew across country with us by herself. 

What I'll do or say that will stick with my son for the rest of his life. 

I don't know what I'll do if anything ever happens to him. 

Things I do Know: 

I know whatever struggles I'm feeling in this transition into life with a child. I have it a million times easier than what my wife goes through daily. 

Why new parents are so annoying with photos of their kids, I want to share him with the world. He is by far the coolest thing I've ever had anything to do with. 

One day he'll put me through hell. I'm not ready for the middle school years. 

The connection with my wife has become unimaginably strong since he was born.

The news is a lot harder to read now. All those stories are someone's child. The stories hurt a lot more as soon as you have your own. 

It breaks my heart, not being able to console him. 

Everything else in life seems a lot less important in comparison to the time spent with him. 

I know that this type of happiness is impossible to explain.